What are „Living Amends?“

Additionally, if we continue to make the same choices, it causes us to use our minds to feel righteous about choices and make the other person wrong for feeling hurt or deserving of our choices. All types what is a living amends of amends are good, but living amends are some of the best kinds you can make! They affirm your decision to make lifelong changes, which has a positive effect on both you and everyone around you.

It’s painful, but it forces us to understand ourselves more deeply and hold ourselves with compassion. It helps us learn from the experience and grow – in our relationship with ourselves and our capacity to love others. Addiction takes over your life, stealing both your joy and your time, and making it impossible for you to give back to others and live a generous life. Instead, as you pursue https://ecosoberhouse.com/ a life in recovery, focus on being generous with your time and giving back to others. In this way, you can take the focus off of yourself and choose to live a life of greater meaning. Whether you choose to give back by sponsoring others in recovery or volunteering at your local food pantry, donating your time to any worthy cause that resonates with you is a great way to transform your life.

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If you are unsure of how you should make amends in a certain situation, you can consult with your sponsor or counselor about it. He or she will have helpful advice and wisdom that may help you make the right decision on how to proceed. I also realized that in my childhood, that I had blamed my Dad for things my Mom actually caused by trying to get him to stop drinking.

While I did these things in active addiction, that does not take away from how wrong they were, and the pain and sense of betrayal you must have felt as a result of my actions. For many who lived in addiction, apologizing was a regular habit. Whether it was apologizing for being late for work, missing an event, misusing property or stealing money to support an addiction, expressing remorse was likely a daily occurrence. The guilt may have been real, but the apology didn’t come with lasting change. Once you enter into sobriety, there isn’t a set timeline for working Steps 8 and 9, so you might want to ask your sponsor and recovery support network for their insights about whether you’re ready.

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Our team works closely with you throughout this process to help you achieve your goals in recovery. No matter how much we feel the need to make things right, forcing another to meet with us or hear from us is not part of the Steps. When those we’ve hurt are not able or willing to accept our amends, we can still move in a positive general direction by taking intentional steps to be of service to others or making living amends. The amends process either directly or indirectly, it reinforces positive behaviors, your willingness to take ownership of your actions, and any resulting consequences. For instance, step 8 requires you to make a list of everyone you hurt that you sincerely want to make amends with. Then, in step 9, you attempt to make direct amends with as many people on your list as possible.

• Recovering from addiction and working through the 12-Step Program is a highly individualized process so receiving one-on-one professional support is not only helpful, but necessary.
• If they drove while under the influence, they owe amends for that by not doing that particular behavior any longer.
• They may visit family members and friends more often, set aside time to spend with their partner or donate their time to a worthy cause.
• Like the definition says, amends is something we do to make up for something we feel guilty for.

In many cases, addicted individuals continue to break promises. But those making the amends find many times that the person to whom they have harmed is more than willing to accept those amends happily—and a healing process begins not only in the relationship but in each individual. One of the essential parts of recovery is to process the damage you have done to the people closest to you and to do everything you can to ease the pain you have caused yourself. For some addicts, these transgressions can descend to truly terrifying depths, but we should look more closely at the process of amends.

What Is a Direct Amend?

Anonymous says the move will make direct amends to people, even if it would harm them or others. For example, you should not seek amends if this could result in someone being injured in an alcoholic car accident. Instead, consider becoming an organ donor or donating to a charity that supports victims of drunk drivers.

Sometimes direct amends are not possible, and this is where living amends come into play. Making amends requires the individual to correct their mistake. This action can demonstrate the person’s new way of life in recovery. It goes beyond simply apologizing to taking steps to right a wrong.

If you’re writing a letter, whether sending or sharing it in person, spend some time reflecting on and sharing the actions you’re taking to redress the wrong(s) done. Step Nine can leave you emotionally exhausted; it’s a difficult step to navigate. But the rewards you’ll reap from living amends can help make the challenges easier and more productive.